Bringing up the Past | Knowing the Narcissist
If this type of thing is a threat to your partnership, seek couples counseling. One thing Is it normal for my partner to constantly bring up my past relationships in. We all have things in our pasts that we would rather forget. Your partner probably isn't bringing up the past just to hurt you – chances are there's a WE each love the other and care first and foremost for the good of OUR relationship. Here are seven things to drop now from relationship conflicts to create bringing in another similar 'crime' our partner has committed in the past. So bringing up old disagreements during a fight simply makes your partner.
It creates resentment Every time you bring up that thing your husband did 3 years ago, it not only derails the discussion, but it creates a lot of resentment.
Being unable to forgive someone for the past means you're constantly rejecting that part of them. People make mistakes, it's a fact. In other for healing to occur you have to learn to let go.
The next time you feel the urge to bring up something that isn't related to the discussion, stop it! You'll find that you are able to communicate much more effectively and your partner with appreciate that too.
It prevents the real issue from being discussed If you're arguing about something, then it's obvious there is an underlying issue. It may not be what you think it is, but it exists nonetheless.
Every time you bring up the past, you prevent discussion of what's really going on. In order for anything good to come out of a disagreement, the real issue must be kept in mind. Forget about why you started arguing, and you'll spiral off into a mindless mud slinging fest. How many times have you forgotten the real reason that you're arguing? People can get so angry about the past that the actual reason for the argument in the first place gets completely covered up.
You talk about his fling with your friend before you met, he says you have a crush on his best friend, and you find yourself so deep in mud that you can't move an inch. No movement means no progress.
We’re here for you.
Just because she is more emotionally expressive does not give her the right to be aggressive toward you without taking accountability or considering how her emotional reaction impacts you.
I wish she was just happy. Look how great your commute is, how much money you make, how early you get off! Who cares what your co-workers think about you.
She internalizes that as feeling dismissed. She may potentially get more angry and then you both get into an argument.
If your intention is to be right, then you have lost the ability to repair anything with your partner effectively. Your intention should be to deepen your understanding of each other. This helps you continue to respect each other and feel secure with one another in your relationship. She needs to learn to validate you objectively, too. You take her moods personally.
3 Reasons Why You Should Avoid Discussing the Past in Arguments
Going back to the emotional processing piece, women tend to be more emotionally expressive by nature or nurture. She still may be hurt about an issue that happened 6 months ago, but struggles with bringing it up and fears she will not be heard. Unfortunately, ignoring emotion rarely makes them go away and she may find herself exploding at one little frustration that arises.
This is why the two of you need to work together.