The idiot philosopher - Telegraph
It's like meeting an Asperger sufferer trying to act "chummy". It's like Undo. 2 Answers Does Karl Pilkington always act like he does on An Idiot Abroad?. Karl Pilkington (born 23 September ) is an English podcaster, author 1 An Idiot Abroad; 2 On Aesop's Fables; 3 On Ageing; 4 On Art; 5 On the That's the problem with them fables, they're putting animals together that wouldn't meet. Here, Karl Pilkington visits Mexico, en route for Chichen Itza – 'a FRIDAY 2 APRIL Sandy took me to meet the wrestler I'd be training with.
They said it's got, er, lovely big eyes, er, really big hands and feet. Now that doesn't sound like a nice baby to me. I felt like sayin' it sounds like a frog. But I thought I dont know her, there's only so much you can say to a stranger.
I dont know what kept me from sayin' it. Went into the, er, into the aquarium. Mental, the amount of fish that are knockin' about 3 Minute Wonder, Episode 1 My auntie Nora right, all her food is mashed. She's got teeth but she don't need 'em [Karl on how his auntie blends her food and never uses her teeth] Podcast Series 3 Episode 3 I think some bacteria have better lives than that [Karls interpretation on the life of an innuit] Podcast Series 1 Episode 5 What's that plate that's above a saucer but below a plate?
Podcast Series 3 Episode 4 Yeah but everyone was a saint years ago, that seemed to be thrown about back then. Who's a saint now, in this year, who's a saint? And yet this guy, lived in a hut in the woods, 'oh yeah that's Saint John or whatever. Xfm 29 November The world is getting more and more scruffier, innit? The Podfather TrilogyEpisode 3: Christmas You won't get anything done by planning. Christmas Any problem solved is a new problem made.
I met a little fella once and he was alright. He got drunk really quick, err, but he was alright. But it took me by surprise -like I've said about when I met Steve for the first time, it's only that same thing, then if we lived together I'm sure we'd get on a storm Podcast Series 3 Episode 6 On the possibility of meeting Warwick Davis- The first time I see him, I'd be a little like, what should I say, what shouldn't I say? Whereas once you get to know him I'm sure he'd be a lovely little fella.
Podcast Series 3 Episode 6 On fun-sized chocolates I don't know why they're called fun-sized; I mean, if I called a midget fun-sized, they'd kick off Happyslapped by a Jellyfish On Medicine[ edit ] On seeing an ultrasound picture- It was an awkward situation because she was happy with it.
I was like 'Oh God'. It was an odd looking thing. I couldn't say 'Oh, it looks like you' because that would be a diss. He went in for a colonic, live TV. No ones been up that high!
On Monkeys[ edit ] Turns out it was another load of monkeys from another part of the island Xfm 21 June So you're sayin that it's easy to send somat up to space, but you don't believe there's a little banana machine? Podcast Series 1 Episode 1 Why is it alright to be going around, going mental with a gun, shooting all the monkeys and killing them?
Because one day we're going to run out. Xfm 02 November on cockroaches living without a head for a week Why, when it was invented, has it got that facility? Xfm 18 January If an animal is named after what it eats, how interesting is it? Podcast Series 1 Episode 3 It is hard eating a little kangaroo knob. Podcast Series 1 Episode 3 I could eat a knob at night.
Podcast Series 2 Episode 2 On seals - Its between a fish and a dog. Podcast Series 2 Episode 3 At no point am I going to lick a little frogs head.
Podcast Series 2 Episode 4 On chameleons - Stay green. Stay in the woods. Podcast Series 2 Episode 4 On octopuses - When you see 'em in films, they're running about an' that and everyone likes an octopus.
Podcast Series 2 Episode 6 In the sea you've got to be constantly sort of alert. It's worse in the sea [than anywhere else in the animal kingdom]. In the sea you've got an enemy behind every rock. Podcast Series 3 Episode 4 They keep saying that sea levels are rising an all this. It's nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it's because there's too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. I sort of think it depends innit.
If the drug's aspirin and the monkey's got a headache, is it right? Three foot long, it eats chicken. People moan saying that you shouldn't lock animals up and all the rest of it, but to be honest I wish it was locked up.
The idiot philosopher
The idea that it's roaming in a jungle But what do they do? When you see them they're just sitting in the jungle eating 3 Minute Wonder, Episode 1 A dog has got human eyes. It was on the internet, right, and somebody had linked up a cockroach to err I can't even be bothered explaining it, but that's what I'm saying - everything is moving on The Podfather Trilogy, Episode 3 Christmas I will not be lickin a frog, so there's nothin' to worry about Podcast Series 2 Episode 4 I've been watchin birds more than insects recently, and the thing I've found with pigeons is: I'd hate that, that would be horrible that [Karl answering Ricky's question of how he would get Suzanne's attention in the Kitchen if he were a slug] Podcast Series 1 Episode 12 On Nudity[ edit ] Fella comes walking toward me.
Only got no pants on. It was some night out and er, some people come running on stage. And some music started coming on. These four people came running out, it was two women, two blokes.
Meet Karl Pilkington II (Video ) - IMDb
It wasn't gay an' that. It was just a normal night -well, y'know, some party night out. These people come running on. You've got two women, you've got two blokes. They whip their knickers off.
The fellas whip their undies off. All at the same time, like er, whatsit? Cheryl Baker was in it So that happened and all I'm saying is, right; before I had a look at the woman's bits, I just had a cheeky glance at the fellas' bits, just checkin' it out, checking everything's normal down there. Believe me, I had a look at the ladies' bits but I didn't know how long that pants were going to left off for.
Podcast Series 1 Episode 2 Do you know like, when you're a bloke nudist, Do you ever get any who just have like a small knob? Podcast Series 1 Episode 2 Talking about being in heaven- It's not fair though because all them lot have been up there ages with like a chance to get a bit of sun on the body and that so they'll look alright.
I'll be wandering about with underpant marks and stuff. Podcast - Bonus Disc Now Hilda, she was your bog standard old woman. Walked past it, right, you're not gonna believe this. I've never seen one of them. And she was a bit Podcast Series 1 Episode 2 On Powers[ edit ] Just sort of wander about and that, and just not get seen [What he would do with the power of invisibility] Podcast Series 1 Episode 4 [Ricky asks what else he would do with the power of invisibility]Dunno, you could sort of go in shops when they're shut, just get in before they lock up.
You might need that later - Karl interprets the phrase Waste not, want not. It sounded quite upbeat and reminded me of the music my mam used to have blaring out of the caravan in Wales.
He told me the song was about drug dealers in Mexico — something about a car that is found in the middle of the road with the doors open and the passengers have had their heads cut off and blood is oozing out of the car. I don't know how the story ends, as his dog was coughing up hairballs again and I couldn't hear what Edgar was saying. After a few miles Edgar pulled his car over and told me he wanted to show me Santa Muerte.
In English this translates as "Saint Death". It was a glass box about the size of the small kiosks you get outside tube stations selling chocolate, crisps and fags. There were no crisps in this box, but there were fags, along with a skeleton dressed in robes surrounded by booze.
The poorer people and criminals of Mexico who are not very religious but not quite atheists either worship Saint Death. I've never thought about it before, but I suppose bad people might need someone to pray to, too.
As we looked at the skeleton, a car with tinted windows pulled over for a few seconds. The men in it bowed their heads before skidding off again. We drove on to an Easter festival that Edgar said it would be worthwhile my having a look at.
I saw people acting out some Bible story on a stage watched by hundreds of people. I heard choking, but it wasn't Edgar's dog this time. It was coming from a man who was being hanged. Mexico loves violence so much it could just be something to keep the crowd interested before the Jesus bit happens. Kids aged two and three were sat on their dads' shoulders so they could see the hanging acted out.
I wandered off around the market, where I found a woman selling dead crickets. Ricky used to buy them to give to his pet salamander, but it was locals who were knocking these ones back. I'm not sure how long a bag of crickets should last — I don't know the recommended daily allowance — but one old man whom I'd expect to see sucking on Werther's Originals couldn't get enough of them.
They were cheap, so maybe it's the low cost that attracts people to them. Or should that be "locust"? It was a good thing to watch as a kid as it was never that violent. It was just two sweaty, old, overweight men pushing and shoving each other until one wanted to stop to get something to eat. Mexican wrestling was different.
They do dress like superheroes.
I met Sandy, the woman who ran the wrestling arena. She took me through photos of the wrestlers she looked after. She had all shapes and sizes. El Porky, a little chubby fella who looked like Russell Grant; midgets; big women and sexy women. Sandy took me to meet the wrestler I'd be training with. His name was Shocker.
He was built like a brick shithouse. I asked if I could get a midget fighter, but Sandy said none of them was around today. I explained to Shocker that he would have to be careful with me, as I did my back in when I was a kid by trying to kick my height and landing on my arse, my wrist is also weak from a crash I had, and I've got a trapped nerve in my leg.
He didn't really seem to be listening, which was a worry. He gave me an outfit to wear. I looked a mess. I decided to name myself Shocking. I did some weights and about 45 minutes in the ring with Shocker and two other fellas. I felt so sick.
I'd eaten some marshmallows earlier — not the greatest pre-fitness food — so that combined with being thrown around was not a good idea. Rich Hardcastle Shocker was a year older than me, but I felt a lot older.
I had to stop, as I was exhausted and dizzy. I was trying to get out of the ring when one of the wrestlers grabbed me and sat on me while wrapping my legs around my neck. I felt helpless, like a deer slowly being eaten by an anaconda. The only memory I have was how the wrestler's balls that were thrust into my face left a saltiness on my lips. At first I assumed it was from the tacos, and then I realised I'd not eaten any that day.
I stayed and watched Shocker fight. He was with two other wrestlers: The crowd loved El Porky.
It must annoy Shocker when he trains so hard and eats so well to then have to fight with a bloke whose main exercise is to the fridge and back. Off to bed now because I'm knackered. The Mexican altitude makes everything tougher and more tiring. I reckon I could have beaten Shocker if I was on my own turf. On the way to the hotel we stopped off at a graveyard. I often have a walk round graveyards when Suzanne and me go away for the weekend.
This one looked a lot different. It was really colourful. The graves were painted in blues, yellows and reds. They looked more like the beach huts you get in Kent. And the whole family seems to get buried together — some of these graves were bigger than the flat I used to live in. Andreas, who has been with us during filming, told me they have a thing in Mexico called the Day of the Dead. It's a celebration of death where everyone has a day off to remember friends or family, and in Mexico with all this violence I'm guessing there is a lot of remembering to do.
I like the Day of the Dead idea. We have a day dedicated to eating pancakes, so why not have a day for the dead? Charros are Mexican cowboys who do horse shows. I wasn't looking forward to it. I never played at being a cowboy even when I was younger. I didn't even wear jeans until I was about 17 as I didn't think they were comfy. Eugene took me to a market before going to the ranch.
He bought me lunch — rabbit in a spicy sauce. He had the rabbit's head. He said it was the best part, as you get the brain. I didn't bother fighting him for it. Karl meets his lunch. Rich Hardcastle When we got to the ranch I met the main men, who were brothers. They wore the proper cowboy kit and showed me some of their skills, from lassoing to doing a skid on a horse.
I was given a horse called Espanner. It was so well trained it almost second-guessed what I wanted it to do.