End your manipulative and controlling relationship by following these steps - Relationship Rules
Which is why there will be times when you would want to end the relationship. The thing about such kind of manipulative and controlling. Leaving an abuser is one of the toughest things someone will ever do. heart- tugging stories of being cheated upon, I knew that was controlling and unhealthy. If you've ever been in a controlling relationship, you know how easy it is to get caught in its web. It usually starts out with a simple suggestion.
Tears don't flinch them until it becomes a full-fledged drama he thinks it's time to put an end to. It did not matter if you were dying inside. Because it is the illusion that it is about you. Don't you dare excuse this behavior by saying that's how they are! Because deep down inside you know, when you are in love, your ego is not bigger than your love and certainly not more important than the person you care about. But, you bowed down in your fights for love.
And after everything is over, he makes you feel so guilty for fighting with him. The most typical thing they all do to prove that they are the good guys is to show some concern towards you and try hard to prove it to you that they mean it.
There will be the extra small efforts and the big ones. You were surely on cloud nine thinking you are so lucky to find someone who cares about you so much. Another fight, more tears, some love to patch up. It is a cycle and it goes on and on. It never ends and with the next fight, you will find yourself exactly where you were in the previous fight. In a true relationship, these things happen both ways.
Sometimes you falter, sometimes the other one do but you still reconcile both ways.
The Diktat Have you often felt that what he says or she says is the ultimate decision in your relationship? You never make the rules because you are not allowed. You are carefully and silently compelled to play by them.
How to End a Controlling or Manipulative Relationship
You do not have a choice because love won't let you leave. It all starts with little gestures of jealousy to a full-fledged emotional roller coaster of incessant fights and sleepless nights. They keep demanding and you keep giving. You are in love, but not happy.
It is a fact hard to accept. You dare not question or you will be scarred verbally or emotionally. Did you notice how distant you have been growing from your friends. Slowly your identity fades away and you become even more emotionally weak and helpless. Everyone warns you but you are way too blindly in love with your dictator.
Winning the Approval You reach the point where you are ready to go to crazy lengths just to make them stay in your life. But, do you think if your guy or girl loved you just as much, would let you resort to those stupid self-harming antics?
You start suffering from an inferiority complex that you are not as good for them as you should be. In a bid, to save your relationship, you try harder and do everything you can to make them happy.
But, they are never happy because everything you do is either wrong or insufficient.
You pine for their approval as you watch them walk out of the door with a devil-may-care attitude. By this point, you are convinced it's all your fault even though there may be no mistake that you really committed. They lured you with promises of love, care and togetherness, but all seems to only be a beautiful dream in a full moon night.
You are waiting for it and if you complain, you are told that it is your mistake because your actions were so inadequate it made them angry and they won't give it to you now, may be later. The Excuses Did you ever feel that your partner has been acting selfish and putting themselves above you and your relationship.
You see no emotions except that of anger or affection. They love you when they want to. You cannot ask for anything because you might just piss them off. You made plans with your girls and when he found it out, he acted so cold that it did not seem like he was actually okay.
So you feel guilty yet again, and cancel your plans only to be treated like some side-dish when he hangs out with his friends. On the other hand, she calls you when she needs you. You give her all your support. The minute you need her, she is suddenly too busy and disappears. Worse, she calls you needy and emotionally desperate. It hurts because you never thought it was an issue to fall back for support on each other. You need to stop making excuses for your partner's behavior and attitude towards you.
You are only justifying their bad behavior towards you and at the same time, giving false hopes to yourself. When you recognize these signs of a controlling relationship and truly know it yourself, in your heart, that this a controlling and manipulative relationship after all, it's time to pull the plug on the relationship. But if you thought it was love, making it difficult for you to break up, don't bluff yourself. It would have made your relationship a lot more satisfying, if it were true.
But, sometimes, even though you may be truly, madly and deeply in love, it is just not worth carrying emotional scars around.
Reality bites but it is better to heal the pain than to suffer when you are absolutely emotionally handicapped.
It is perhaps our need to have love, especially from someone who seems out of reach. You cannot see it because it doesn't matter when you are in love.
But, doesn't it matter when who you fall in love with doesn't give you just as much love? Wouldn't you like them to be a 9 on the scale of love? It is often said that when you love someone, do not expect anything and do not ask for anything. I always thought that I would be shallow to leave him just because he does not match up to my good looks, doesn't have a savvy career when I dreamed of a life that I wanted with a family or may lack innumerably in so many other aspects of life.
I stayed because I believed he was a good human being who had been done wrong to. If you are in the same boat, I will give you my hand and pull you out. Don't fall for the illusion. A good person cares for everyone, especially someone so important. When Should You Put an End to Your Controlling Relationship Most controlling and manipulative relationships have a tendency to get physically or verbally abusive at some point.
If you are in a relationship like that, get out of it as soon as you can. It may not really be love holding you back, but the habit of having your partner around and the fear of independence from being a whole person all by yourself.
You get used to it and build a comfort zone so you are unwilling to imagine someone else in that place. It is, in all honesty, your inability to accept your own self.
But most of all, if you have to find out the answer, there is no better way to know the truth than to ask your own heart. A partner who is not controlling or manipulative will be comfortable in sharing space with you, will not be secretive, obsessive or won't disrespect you all the time.
A relationship is the ultimate culmination of your love in its acceptance and acknowledgment. It means that you shall be together and share all your sorrows and happiness. It definitely does not mean that I will use you for all my needs and never care about yours. It is never easy. It's a simple step-by-step plan to end a controlling or manipulative relationship that only needs your strength, will-power and some self-esteem.
Before you even hint at separating, you need to accept the breakup yourself, in your heart. If you are not ready for it, you won't be able to break up permanently and will fall deeper in to that trap. Gather all your self-esteem and realize your self-worth.
Picture yourself from the time when you were single and had not met your partner. You were so happy, vibrant and stress free. Make sure you gather as many signs as you can because you need to mentally convince yourself. If you actually like the person a lot, then leaving them would be difficult therefore you want the reasons to weigh more than the likeness for that person. Of course, initially it would not be that prominent that the person is trying to take over your life, but slowly and gradually it would start to increase.
You have to notice that the person tries to go for their own choices instead of considering yours. Such as going out for dinner to a place that they want instead of going to the place where you want.
Sometimes, it is okay, but this is just an example that would give you a hint of how they actually start to control you. And after that, they try to make you feel that they love you or need you. They understand that the anger might have scared you, which is why they try to show you their affection, so that you do not get the thoughts of leaving them. Controlling people with the combination of jealousy is that they would not like you to spend time with your friends, especially if your friends are all over the gender.
They would make you avoid your friends. Make a list of all the reasons that can be used as the motivation to leave: In order to make sure that you will stay motivated, you will have to find another list of reasons and reminders that you are not liking how you are being treated.
After that, you have to think of all those times when you were not happy with the way you were being treated. Think of the times when you wanted something really bad but your partner did not want to do that thing and you were not happy about it. Think of all the times when you had to change your decisions just because your partner was not happy with them or your partner manipulated you into changing your decisions. Do not let yourself think, even for a second, that whatever is happening is fine and you can live with it.
Chalk out a plan to say what you have to say: Chalking out a plan is really important. Sometimes, when things are not properly planned, that is when failure occurs. Failure has to be avoided at any cost in this case because if you fail, your partner will get more cautious and will start to manipulate you more into staying with them.
Still make a plan and give it a try. This step is for all of those who have the fear that their plan will not work. They say that if plan A fails, do not worry because there are 25 other alphabets as well. Same is the case in this scenario, if you are afraid that your initial plan will not work, then make more plans and keep on trying.
Do not give up because the results will be absolutely worth it. You require a lot of hard work and dedication for it.